Dattebayo!!!

I had been meaning to write this for a very long time, and now, when I can't find an excuse not to, my wicked self has finally adulterated a few neurons, so that my ego and twisted attitude forces me to unveil my curiosity... I know, everything is possible for those who do not have to do it themselves... Not being veteran, I ask this from those who are/were -  How is it like, to be "At Love"? I mean, everything is fair... but, there must be some catch.. Why do people even fall in love - n why is it always falling? It can't be good enough to risk the whole earth for it.... All the shit-faced uncle fuckers, who r jumpin' rite now, calling out in the name of family n friends, can just keep on pleasuring themselves their whole life... Right now, I am talking to those weirdos, who wear tight fitting colours, generally in all the wrong places, and even when they can fuck anyone on the planet, end up being Siths for petty little senseless "class/work mates"....

My third party observations suggest that love is a great equaliser... people tend to converge to the same hopeless, mediocre state of existence, denying all the cheesecakes and gpl they can get...based on a weighted average, love will fetch u in the order 10^5 per annum.... all the supremums and infimums converge... ie love is a cauchy sequence, ie differences should vanish as time passes....but this also means that love increases entropy of the system, brings it to worthless equilibrium, better than any constituition... ie love is spontaneous, as we know love is exothermic already.... but, it being so spontaneous, I am still not into it.... well, i've always tried to obey the rules, but this one just isn't my cup o' tea... does it imply I am already deranged, and thus a partner for me ain't the optimum soln, specially in the skewed society that I live in... But, brief overview of my peer group, coupled with scrutiny of numerous foreign research material like 3.1415926..., 21, etc, I safely infer that this is a Game... and, leaving the irrelevant test cases (both to me, n the society..), all we are left is with a compromise between short-lived passion n long-lasting happiness....

I am so sure that sex is an over-rated phenomena.... I may not be qualified enough to explain thoroughly, but as much as I have seen this life, there is no scope at all for any invention/discovery, of course except people like Srinivas (who can do a PhD n yet remain aloof) who write papers, n more people like Srinivas who publish it.... the g-spot is a vague, or probably psychological concept (Yes, there r people who r still searching...), and clitoris isn't the solution for world hunger, or global warming.... It may be quite the contrary... Sure I am that this is a ploy, worse than reservation, of cleaning the path to success by infiltrating our camps, befriending and corrupting the brave soldiers of destiny, and to stop the fellowship at any cost.... Just like vampires, the infiltration is so deep, that like masons, we, the hopes of the new world, have begun doubting our comrades, ourselves, even our faith, and dreams, and slowly succumbing to our little John, our foundations are shaking..... I have been over it so many times, that presently, biggest incentive to get laid is verification of this hypothesis.... I have seen enough laboratories, to know that I am better of with theory, without entering even one of those.... Many of them are already in bad shape, and the well maintained ones are either always filled, have prior engagements, and in any case, are very slimy, leaking, senseless, and need I mention, horribly GROSS... So, this is a request, all the experienced INTELLIGENTLEMAN (if any), this is a public survey directed towards a very specific social group... lower ur input resistance, let B --> 0.... This is also to wake up the great many "futures" of great many houses, the winners, who have fallen and have/will realize the pointlessness and the despair, reconsider!!! And, if not, atleast bring some exclusive and intelligent stuff, something delightful and Cranium-worthy... I am not saying anything, I am just asking "WHY?"...
All hail Calvitman...

Somethin' in ur mouth...

Dude, ur thinking is seriously gay... I am talking about food here, although I did take care of ur kind too (just hang on), anyway....
I don't know why, but I often wonder how human began eating a few things... u know what I mean... things like frog legs, or lady finger (which for obvious reasons, I prefer calling okra),... and even worse is the case, what not to eat... Statistically, mouth is the third most abused organs, and certainly, the 2nd most experimented upon... I mean, even as a baby, everything (nearly) has to be tasted, to know for sure... Although this process gets confined to more specific areas, but is still one of the most fun way of experimentation...

Well the first argument can be apes... Being our brethren, kindov like Bear Grylls is now, we must have seen them do it, and (contradictory to common belief) imitated their actions.... Thats explains a lot of stuff ranging from fruits, berries, etc.... But, monkeys were not so common all over the world, and I can't help thinking, "Did Chinese try to imitate panda?" or may be they ate anything that moves and/or grows or both.... But, rice doesn't fit this criteria... In fact, most grains became dominant plants only after humans started farming....

Warning : Next para contains explicit stuff, read only if u r above 18 years of age (21 in some states)
I am more in the favour of hypothesis that eating and intercourse must have been historically a Jumbo Combo, and it is supported by the physical characteristics of many eatables....Specially in India, the salad components are regularly found in hostels, in all the wrong places.... Without much brainstorming, I can see that women were the main experimenters, and males were workers who gathered approved material... Otherwise, we all would be eating fruits that juice only by pressing at the right points... Although, I'm sure pies, and to large extent, pancakes had male inventors, so is the case with melons, and oranges... Or else this is a marker of  our homosexual history... It also explains that why so much of raw goods are gross and slimy... Even scientifically, love and large amounts of chocolate activate the same parts of our cerebrum.... This may also explain why some foods sound so sexy, and in general, both acts carry mouth-watering or bouncing syllables... Even here Chinese go the furthest of all... I mean, who names their kid Chap Som Bong.... or cities like Pe(e)king, Beijing, Shanghai...just like they have momos and yīnjīng
Now u can read, and I know u read the last one even more carefully...

Even more bewildering is "What not to ingest?".... I mean, if all the experimenters followed the first procedure described here, how were we able to decide that snackes are delicacies, or the grow potatoes, etc... Coz, if it were true, someone must have tried bamboo, snake scales, or even more likely - shit (ie except Bear Grylls)... And in that case, how did we leave the lethal poisons, specially when all the pharmaceutical companies didn't have licenses.... or may be, it is the other way round, that instead of copying animals, we domesticated animals only to use them, until they went old (which is another thing I wonder - conception of time, but lets stick to the point).... and then, we used them for science, and for betterment of the "whole world".. it seems likely to me..... Where was the breed Homo Activiens then?? I m sure they evolved with us, condemning everything that we developed - either in the name of god, or environment or whatever...i guess, coz they love acting pissed or maybe they just hated being gay.... I m sure they were there, protesting... maybe a hunger strike(quite apt here :)), but they were there.... thatswhy I favour the second procedure... that, women's instincts getting stuffed with new, colourful and slimy stuff led to us ending with rainbow on our plates, and also the present sex ratio in India.... I guess this must have been what biology meant...

Also, I have reasons to believe that our present sampling and data collection is based on basic necessities like food...if it weren't for systematically repeated trials with six sigma assurance, conspiracy theorists provoking human curiosity would have wiped us all, except most of the teachers, that is.... but, then we would not be an intelligent society anymore... ie we could have had a life different from both, the barbaric society and the present system - common to humans, crabs n rats (less intense for the last two) - grouping, and greed, and foolishness..... but, that society would have an oobe, one with ε development index, competing with sloth and clams... Which means, we could have eaten algae from our own dermis, how comfortable...And that would be a world without thinking, where I'd be an outcast (Man! always wanted to be)...more like Jonathan Livingston Seagull, soaring high in the skies of uncertainty, crossing limits, attaining perfection... Damn, why did my long gone forefathers even think about stats...

And, now I realize I am hungry, and that the post has just entered the realm of existentialism again... Better give it a rest here... Don't worry, there is more to come... I mean appear...
Good day fellas
And a Happy Meal

Too much time on my hands!!

Suddenly, it was all over.... there I was, as the last element of that array of best guys in the country, watchin' the clock, contemplating examiner's arguments, and an optimum defense, just to make the semester look less miserable on the charts.... And, poof... i was not a fresher anymore... technically I am, but somewhere in my heart, I know I've lost it.... They just left us, all those profs, to do whatever we want. No reason, to even stop at 3 movies per day, none to stop hitchhiking in trucks, or to debar us from roaming and singing and getting lost at 3 in the night.... It almost makes me nostalgic, and sure I miss those good days, when everyday was a fight to extract the maximum fun out of "Licensed to kill" days of IIT.....

But, this post ain't for sentimental jibber-jabber... there are more important tasks at hand... like visiting the meadows, lush green all around (specially on weekends), cool air and mcd soothing the mess-food striken body, and eyes caressed by the panorama, as far as one can see.... This is good, though not as good as chics playing clarinet in Vegas.... There I was, amidst all this flurry, when universe didn't even care about my existence... And, I was wearing a Computer Science dep T-shirt.... Now calm down.. Let me explain.... The new found freedom, coupled with hormonal changes, helped regenerate the analytical part of cerebrum (which is of course, kindov vestigial during the semester) and I could see it all, as clear as plexiglass, or say PHEMA... Damn it (I hate u MEL).... So I was saying I could see it all, just like Russel Crowe in a billiards room...

Game theory says it all.....I wore the T-Shirt, sure I did.... assuming u can do ur part well once u have her attention, a guy who becomes a douchebag, only to show that his partners are from so called elite class of alpha males of the society, can be very very handy.... n that is exactly what I was doing.... I do care for myself, but aim ain't the same... And doing such a thing, I make u responsible to help me when I want... So, it is in favour of all of us.... Anyone who goes by The Rules and The Game will never get this, its a Jersey thing.... apparently, it is not a nash equilibrium situation for individual games, but when summed up, yes it is.... And I still wonder if someone else found this out....

Then there was that discussion over "Fvck the fvcking fvcker"... or something.... and some people (yes u) got furious over me breaking an isomorphism from Words (W) to Meanings (M).... skipping the details, it was finally agreed upon by majority that it is the case of L(R1(W,M),(R2(W,M)....) - indexes denote people... U see, we cannot change.... no matter how many classes we skip, whatever sitcoms we finish, we end up learning and applying whatever we know... n often end up, annoying the shit out of people.... It is so fundamental, I believe there is some hedgehog gene for this as well....

If u r a commerce student, sorry, for such accusations, please move on to the next para... There is a little commerce student in all of us... who is afraid someone will find out what an asshole he is... But, then there is a Science Student too... We, the engineers, are perfect blend of Science and Commerce Students, we are intelligent, easily inspired and hard working like Science Students, but we are assholes, lazy-asses and full of inferiority complex like commerce ones...... Please note - we are talking of Ideal cases only... all those buzzards who pick science to act cool, and the maggus who prefer reigning in Hell, have been spoiling all the beauty..... anyway, my point is, we are the hybrids of Science n Commerce (CS guys being more science, just coz others act show a +ve polarity towards commerce wrt us), we rule this world (under guidance of NON-STUDENTS... of course)... and the question of any significant contribution doesn't apply to us, coz we can direct it either way.... we are the all singing, all dancing crap of the universe... and no matter how many semester u put us through, we will still end up screwing everyone, beginning the day we get out....

As u can see, I have not yet mastered the newly gained Intelligent Tissues, and its obvious I've got TOO much time on my hands.....It is in ur hands too... U can either waste it trying to improve, or u can improve ur living standards by getting wasted... This summer, u can dance with the smurfs, hang out with elves, blow up some death stars, kick some ass with the reporter n his dig, gaze at ur ceiling fan, be a Watchmen n save the earth, help Naruto fail the Moon eye...... or u can just try getting taller, stronger, sharper.... n in the end, u'll die trying... yes you too, u'll die trying getting rich..... Waqt aapka, faisla aapka, jago grahak jago
jane!!

My OOBE....seriously lame!!!

Hey fellas...
Seen any morons lately??

Coz I certainly did.... Although sane by definition, some of them were totally lame.... May be its a Jersey thing....U decide...
(Note : The events are hashed n all these numbers r special in some way)
42 - Pendrive Hypothesis
Last month, I was scooping some sheets for batti lab, and beside me was a well dressed potato garnished with an olive, apparently selling some pen drive n stuff. I had just screwed mine (yes, i broke its end, n then soldered it to destroy all the data by intense heat), so I was naturally interested. I asked if how much for an 8 gb kingston, to which he of course overpriced, n I politely told him to fvck off, quoting the right price.... And he says this, """"""Ab nahi milegi, japan me earthquake k bad sari India me hi assemble hoti h, radiation ka chakkar h!!! """"" - Not anymore, since the earthquake in Japan, assembling is being done in India, due to radiation hazards.... also referring to some checking against the same.....
I was already late, so left without saying what I had in mind....
a.) Asstard, ur stuff is MADE IN CHINA, for christ's sake...
b.)Even if u didn't know it, radiation is not like Anthrax or SARS that can be transported in polybags....
c.)Did u actually think U CAN FOOL AN IITian with an India TV story??? I mean, did he actually believe what he was saying....

73 - Grounded
I don't know why even this one's related to EEL lab.... Around the beginning of 2nd sem, I was teamed with our class convener (just for the sake of completeness - Aayush :P), and as always we were messing up with devices until the last hour.... Late realization followed by problems with circuit was really frustrating.... we probed the room for TA, and in accordance with Murphy's Law, none was available.... I don't know why, but we asked this guy sitting next to us, to show us his circuit.... Instead, he checked ours, and informed us - "This is not even grounded.".... And we were like, "Where is else to ground?".... Pointing to the edge of breadboard, he explained - "THIS IS GROUND!!!".... We realised our mistake...... :D... And I told him politely, what meant this (although told concisely and excluding reference to anything out of his domain)..."How did u clear JEE, u dimwit?????? " "This isn't an apple product so that u can get everything somewhere..... This is a stupid, fucking breadboard.... Now get lost... N thanx for help".... If it really had been connected to ground - "A wireless connection that can charge my phone in 20 min, available at $1" - Man I would be out there selling this technology for millions......

85 - Maddu
I have heard a lot about them, and I may be one of them as per CYL110 definition wrt Chandigarh... But, in my frame of reference is conventional.....And this was an eye-opener....
I was in Delhi with my brother, and going someplace in an auto.... at a red light, a stopped next to an ordinary Esteem, grey in colour, with a normal looking breadwinner driving... nothing extraordinary... our hired guy tried to plug the gap between the vehicles... probably because he had nothing else to do..... and he went little too close for comfort.... Man, that jerk sprung up, swearing at us inside the car (with windows closed.. :D) just from his angle it was a pick.... we didn't even scratch a grain, n he was all rajni.... he jumped out as if he had been pwned by a woodpecker....Banged the door, he came over, and said something which he meant to be a lesson I guess, n.. HE KICKED THE AUTO'S TIRE.... and then he went back.... I mean he seriously KICKED THE TIRE... I was really hoping for a street fight, with atleast some shattering and a swearing at the least.... Be he ran back like a chicken, just like I move when I leave a pack behind, fast and always ready to flee....  And he looked so much like Srinivas, I couldn't help attributing it to all maddus.... I mean how often do u see a working class (south) Indian citizen getting all pumped to KICK AN AUTO TIRE on a busy road....

Although no such discussion is complete without those religious titbits, I won't be able to justice with all 420 of them... I guess this is it for today... As I am freer and bored-er than before, I may post more often..... Th-th-th-thats all f-f-f-f-folks!!!

This is me Part II

Looking back at the time spent here, we encountered perplexing paradoxes, frantic frenzy of classes and assignments, and astonishing adventures, but in the end, the nostalgia nearly overwhelms my senses (specially clouding the fact - CSL201 major tomorrow). Here "we"  refers to all those brainy and/or geeky fellows, who made my life worth living here. And now, standing on the edge of lose my 'fresherity', I wonder what did I accomplish in 2 semesters here, apart from oscillating between "chilled out" and "fucking crazy" situations. Even my existential musing is at maximum, most importantly "me & future".Still I believe I'll reach some place, someone out there will find me, I'll be at peace, and not to forget - successful!

The aforementioned hypothesis is downright contradictory compared to my present self. Happiness just isn't enough for me, I demand Euphoria. Aspiring to be Calvitman, the harbinger of chaos and "logical epilepsia" to this world, I cannot fit myself in stereotypes like (quite contrary to what Dr. Kiersey thinks) "Ideal" student, or son, or lover, or douchebag, or even an asshole. I never aimed at 10, it is, irreversibly, 11 or -1 (or i), but damn those "Carnot" students, I am left leaving like I tried.... Yes, u know it, that is the feeling.. yes, that one... And what is worse, it happens all the time. I'd say, I am attracted by unattainability. Biggest factor that decides if I have a crush is "Can she be mine? - No way- I'm ON...", so the list includes only the most flawless, intelligent (wrt girls), gorgeous, almost alien gals who cannot be mine due age/address/competition.... Same goes for a career, aiming at ground-breaking academic achievement through Tale of a Gutsy Ninja; i wanna be fvckin' rich, dating superfvckin'models and own a fvckin' condo without ever fvckin' my friends, without missing the fun, and even a grain lower will be sheer disappointment. Trying to use all the 24 hrs has been on list for quite a while, (yes, there is a list) alongwith sincerity and being a little empathetic and courteous....

Well, what to do it is the question (as is To be or not to be..). I know 42 is right, but I want to explore far and wide, like 007, or (Five million one hundred and eighteen thousand eight)^(-1), etc..... My reliability and devotion might be questioned, but I have always waited for the Millenium Falcon to reach my goal fast (can't help it, my optimization shows it is always better to wait)... but alas, it has been mistaken for callous attitude. To all the non-believer I'd say..."Ungli karna band karo" - Stop pointing fingers, I am trying to try to try to try....to try to give my best, and a day may came when u all shall see.... although I hate to admit it, I am lost. I know Ich bin nicht der erste , so this will come to pass.... I'd appreciate supernatural help like Spark, Galileo, or HOT tub time machine.... without excluding farfetched doomsday - 2012, evil google, skynet, androids, etc, but I do wish if they happen to happen, they should, before I give up. I may actually find a super soaker, for which I must actually use my N, F and P together with a borrowed I, without being a big bonehead. But, till then I wanna live with unbridled exhileration, possess unquestionable faith, face unknown adventures and stack up memories...

P.S. - Dedicated to all my nerdy pals, who dare to dream big, and actually calculate probability before commiting... ;)
P.S. - Title inspired by Francis Ford Coppola